why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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