Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
