your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
