4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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