epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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