dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Randomize
