Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Drake has all the answers
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
