remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
