I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
