Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
