At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
