You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
