I can tuck mytits in my pants
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
