You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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