Kiss
Puke
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
