he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
