Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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