He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
