i love accidental penises.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
