so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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