On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
