What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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