i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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