The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
