just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
