so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
