You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
