have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
