Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
