My first STD was from a foam party
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
