I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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