I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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