i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
