Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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