Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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