i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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