I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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