is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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