I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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