There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Everything about him screamed your future.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
