no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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