My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
