is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
