when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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