talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You dont lie about slip and slides
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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