i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
