If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
