Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
