all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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