We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
