We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
