She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
