So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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