Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
After tacos, we're chasing women.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
