The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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