our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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