Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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