it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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