Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
