I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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