i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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