Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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