Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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