I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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