woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
