I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
