Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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