just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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